Paranoia Is A Precautionary Measure, Especially Concerning Zombies.

Everyone says that all movies are fake and you shouldn’t believe them, you know- But Why? Most movies are realistic fiction. Let’s look at that word “realistic.” Now what do you see when you read that word? I don’t know about you, but I see REAL. See? REAListic. Therefore those movies are real, or could at least be real. So is it crazy that I check behind the shower curtain upon entering the bathroom? Is it ridiculous that I’m afraid to look in mirrors when alone in the house in fears of seeing a murderous clown standing behind me,  wielding a bloody ax- or worse, myself with completely black eyes? And speaking of eyes, is it really all that strange that I refuse to look into someone’s eyes in low lit settings because it’s harder to see their pupils. I mean come on, when you see all black in their eyes, they are possessed. These actions are just a few of my many, precautions.

Don’t lie, you know we all do some of this stuff. My main concern is survival. Which brings me to my next topic, the impending zombie apocalypse. In normal circumstances I would be realistic (gotta love that word) and say that all this zombie hullabaloo is a hoax, BUT I’m convinced that once there’s a whole bunch of people eating other people there must be  something going on. This isn’t just talk, there are randos walking around, invincible to things that would kill humans- like I don’t know, bullets- and they are craving flesh. To make matters even more frightening, in a couple of these cases, the zombie in question was naked. Talk about your awkward situations when you’re sitting at the golden bar in heaven chatting it up with the other souls about each others’ untimely demise…”Yea some naked guy just ran up to me and started eating my face, I mean, I didn’t know what I was more scared of, the sight of his flaccid penis or the feeling of dull teeth gnawing on face.” Not ok.

So, if you wanna live like me (alive), I suggest you start coming up with survival plans. I recently took up knotting ropes, so you know, I’m on my way. I also started looking up swat gear on Amazon. I’m pretty much a shoo in to be one of the remaining humans on Earth when this thing blows over. Good luck…you’re gonna need it in this crazy world full of murderers, rabid, mutated animals out for blood, and zombies who only want one thing, your brain.


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